2 Weeks of Motherhood

So it's been 2 weeks (almost) since I had my little girl and every day has been different. One day she seems to sleep all day and the next she wants to eat all day. There is no schedule, she eats when she wants, sleeps when she wants, and never hesitates to let us know when she's unhappy for any reason. It seems simple, when she cries, feed her, change her, or console her but it's not always that simple. I feed her lots, thinking I have at least an hour to throw a load of laundry in or do the dishes but 10 minutes into it and she's screaming for more food like she hasn't eaten in days. Then I will feed her a little and she'll sleep for three hours when we're visiting family and they want to see her eyes. This confuses me.

The hardest part is definitely nursing. I took a class, read a book, and felt prepared but no one warns you about the excruciating pain. (WARNING: DO not continue to read this paragraph if you are offended by loose talk of female body parts) Every time she latches on I feel like some ferocious sharp-toothed animal has bitten into my nipple. I literally had to check once because I thought she ripped it off! The pain stops shortly after she latches but the anxiety of her first latch kills me. I have been told it gets better and I sure hope so, I mean if it stays this painful, who on earth would do this for a year or more. I now understand why so many moms bottle feed, not that I am going to resort to that, it's just more understandable now.

Ok, so I will talk about the good things now. I had no idea how crazy I would be about this tiny little human that will now consume my life. I remember saying once that I could not imagine loving a baby as much as I loved my dogs and therefore would refrain from having children. I was very very wrong, compared to my perfect little baby girl, my dogs are smelly, dumb, and highly annoying. If they get near her, I freak out because I know the first time they accidentally scratch her or make her cry, I am going to have a heart attack. She is the most perfect little thing in the world and I could just sit and hold her for hours. Of course, by doing this, I have gotten her in the bad bad habit of being held constantly, especially when she sleeps at night.

Night time is always a challenge. At first, she slept all day and stayed awake some during the night so I would hold her to get her to go to sleep. Then I was told to stop that now or I am going to be doing that every night for a long time so I tried feeding her lots and putting her in her bassinet wrapped tightly, it worked, she slept all night and only woke up twice to eat! The next night was pure disaster, she screamed every half hour the entire night and when I would try to feed her, she would fall right asleep because I was holding her. The following night we compromised, she slept in the bed next to me surrounded by pillows and Daddy slept in the spare room. So this isn't ideal either but it's the only thing that seems to work and we both get to sleep. I will keep trying with the bassinet thing because I sure don't want a 14 year old sleeping in between us every night like some people I've heard of, that just won't work.

It has really been the craziest most emotional couple of weeks I have ever experienced and I know that having this precious little angel to hold has helped ease the sadness of this traumatic last week. I am sure next week will be completely different and I look forward to the challenges and victories that we'll face. I know she'll grow up fast so I plan to enjoy every sore nipple and sleepless night I can while they're here :)