2 Weeks of Motherhood

So it's been 2 weeks (almost) since I had my little girl and every day has been different. One day she seems to sleep all day and the next she wants to eat all day. There is no schedule, she eats when she wants, sleeps when she wants, and never hesitates to let us know when she's unhappy for any reason. It seems simple, when she cries, feed her, change her, or console her but it's not always that simple. I feed her lots, thinking I have at least an hour to throw a load of laundry in or do the dishes but 10 minutes into it and she's screaming for more food like she hasn't eaten in days. Then I will feed her a little and she'll sleep for three hours when we're visiting family and they want to see her eyes. This confuses me.

The hardest part is definitely nursing. I took a class, read a book, and felt prepared but no one warns you about the excruciating pain. (WARNING: DO not continue to read this paragraph if you are offended by loose talk of female body parts) Every time she latches on I feel like some ferocious sharp-toothed animal has bitten into my nipple. I literally had to check once because I thought she ripped it off! The pain stops shortly after she latches but the anxiety of her first latch kills me. I have been told it gets better and I sure hope so, I mean if it stays this painful, who on earth would do this for a year or more. I now understand why so many moms bottle feed, not that I am going to resort to that, it's just more understandable now.

Ok, so I will talk about the good things now. I had no idea how crazy I would be about this tiny little human that will now consume my life. I remember saying once that I could not imagine loving a baby as much as I loved my dogs and therefore would refrain from having children. I was very very wrong, compared to my perfect little baby girl, my dogs are smelly, dumb, and highly annoying. If they get near her, I freak out because I know the first time they accidentally scratch her or make her cry, I am going to have a heart attack. She is the most perfect little thing in the world and I could just sit and hold her for hours. Of course, by doing this, I have gotten her in the bad bad habit of being held constantly, especially when she sleeps at night.

Night time is always a challenge. At first, she slept all day and stayed awake some during the night so I would hold her to get her to go to sleep. Then I was told to stop that now or I am going to be doing that every night for a long time so I tried feeding her lots and putting her in her bassinet wrapped tightly, it worked, she slept all night and only woke up twice to eat! The next night was pure disaster, she screamed every half hour the entire night and when I would try to feed her, she would fall right asleep because I was holding her. The following night we compromised, she slept in the bed next to me surrounded by pillows and Daddy slept in the spare room. So this isn't ideal either but it's the only thing that seems to work and we both get to sleep. I will keep trying with the bassinet thing because I sure don't want a 14 year old sleeping in between us every night like some people I've heard of, that just won't work.

It has really been the craziest most emotional couple of weeks I have ever experienced and I know that having this precious little angel to hold has helped ease the sadness of this traumatic last week. I am sure next week will be completely different and I look forward to the challenges and victories that we'll face. I know she'll grow up fast so I plan to enjoy every sore nipple and sleepless night I can while they're here :)

Audriella is Here!

Our little baby girl was born Monday, November 16th at 7:20pm. She weighed 7lbs 2oz and was 19 3/4in. Here's the story of her birth:

We were scheduled for the start of an induction Sunday at 8:30pm. After seeing my grandmother one last time, we headed over to St. Joseph's Women's Hospital. We were checked in and it seemed more like we were checking into a hotel than coming there to have a baby, everything was very quiet and relaxed, that seemed strange. We were then escorted to our huge room where the nurse explained everything that was going to happen.

I was put on these scanner things to measure the baby's heartbeat and my contractions. I also had an IV put in which hurt so badly, I had no idea that would hurt so much! We filled out all this paperwork and answered a bunch of questions, went to the bathroom one last time and then had the cervidil placed in me (that was no fun). My job for the rest of the evening was to try and sleep and they would start pitocin in the morning.

Sleeping was very difficult. I was nervous, anxious, scared and besides all that, the baby kept hopping off the monitor so about every hour the nurse came in to get her back on. They offered me sleeping pills or pain medication but I declined, got about an hour or two of sleep and then called it quits by 5am. We watched TV while waiting for 6am to roll around where things would start happening. I did start feeling light contractions but they were not that big of a deal.

At around 6:30am, the nurse came in to take the cervidil out and check me. She told me that it was very normal for it to not have worked right away and she was right, I was still only 1cm dilated. She said pitocin is what will really get things going. I was then able to get up and take a shower for half an hour. That was nice to get out of that bed.

After my little break, I was put right back on the monitors and started pitocin through an IV. We continued to watch TV and make phone calls and around 9am the Doctor came in to see me. The doctor decided it was best to break my water, her reason being that it would really speed things along paired with the pitocin. She did it and explained that in a little bit I would feel water continually leak out of me. Not two minutes after she left, I felt a huge gush of warm water leak out, that was the craziest thing ever. It continued to leak for a while. After all this, I started feeling contractions pretty regularly, they hurt but were very tolerable. The nurses kept asking if I wanted an epidural but I declined for the time being.

Katie got there a little after all this and there wasn't too much going on so we just hung out, played Uno, watched TV, etc. The contractions started getting worse and I was dilated some, but not a lot. I was then debating on whether or not to get an epidural. Katie assured me my contractions would get much much worse and they were already starting to hurt. I think I waited until about 12:00 and decided to go ahead and do it. I tried to be tough but I'm not so I figured I was going to get it anyways, might as well do it now when the contractions were painful.

The epidural was so much more dramatic than I had imagined, I really hated that process. The anesthesiologist came in with his helper and started asking questions. He then noticed that my paperwork wasn't filled out and yelled at the nurse and left the room. I thought the previous nurse just told me to sign it but I was really supposed to fill out a questionnaire about allergies and medical info, oops. I filled it out in between contractions that were becoming quite painful and then he was called back in. They asked me lots of questions and then noticed I had a sports bra on and again, yelled at the nurse. Unfortunately, this was not my regular nurse, she was filling in while my other nurse was at lunch so she got yelled at for things that were not her fault, I felt bad. So now it was time for the epidural, I was asked to turn over on my side, roll into a ball, and arch my back like a mad cat. Ok, on a normal day this is no problem, bit throw in a HUGE belly, wires hooked to you everywhere, and contractions coming every couple of minutes and this becomes an impossible task. I did what they asked to the best of my ability and then they contorted my body how they wanted and then pressed on my spine over and over again. So in between contractions, that's the pain I felt. He then numbed me and stuck the needle in my back, I felt the pressure and it hurt and then a contraction came and I didn't feel the needle pain at all. Minutes later I felt it kicking in big time. My legs started feeling numb and my entire body felt relaxed. Each contraction was less and less painful until I no longer felt them. All that mad cat back arching and needle poking was worth it, no more contractions. I kind of felt like I was cheating with getting the epidural but I figured millions of other women do it so I guess it's justified.

Now I felt great, my contractions continued to get stronger and closer together, according to the monitor, but I just played Uno in my happy little epidural world. The next problem was that I was not dilating the way I should. I had only gone to 4 cm and seemed to be stuck there for quite some time. The hours dragged on but my mom and Sarah got there to hang out with us too. When they go there, they gave us the good news that Grandma was alert. After being completely unresponsive for two days, she now had her eyes open and even smiled. What awesome news! This made me feel much better! What had happened was that they put an oxygen mask on her to give her oxygen but there were no holes for the CO2 to escape from so she was not releasing this and her C02 levels were high. As soon as they fixed the mask, things got better. Her blood pressure went from almost non-existent to a normal blood pressure and her kidneys started working again. The doctors were amazed. I was so happy to hear that and now had much more hope that she would be able to see her great-granddaughter.

Nothing much happened in the afternoon and I was getting very sleepy so I tried to sleep a little while everyone else watched a movie. This is when things started going downhill. I noticed Katie and Sarah's faces as they watched the monitor and asked what was wrong with no response. The baby's heartbeat was dropping, we called the nurse and she explained that it's ok, this was normal. However, a bit later, another doctor came in to check me. Since I was still only 4cm dilated, she insisted that I sit straight up, spread my legs wide, and wiggle my hips. So I did this for about an hour. The night Docotor came in to check me and noticed that I still was not progressing and started talking about a c-section.

I knew I was more at risk for a c-section because of my diabetes and the induction but I did not even want to talk about it unless the baby was in danger. I desperately did not want to have a c-section! This doctor suggested that I lay on my side so I did and switched sides, again and again and again. Sarah, my mom, Katie, and Walter prayed for me because they could see how upset I was. The doctor gave me a little more time to see if I would progress but was really pushing for a c-section. After about half an hour the doctor came back saying things weren't looking good and she'd check me one more time. There was little hope that things would be different but miraculously, I had gone to 7cm and the baby moved from a -2 to a 0 in a matter of 30 minutes. This shocked her and she said we would try and get fluid to the baby to help her come out. She watched the monitors for a few minutes and quickly changed her mind. The baby's heart rate was dropping continually and she said a c-section was necessary, at this point, it was an emergency. I looked at Katie and Sarah for confirmation and their faces and nods assured me that it was necessary, I was scared.

Doctors and nurses started pouring in, unhooking me from monitors, asking me questions, having me sign paperwork, etc. I was scared and by the looks of everyone's faces, they were too. At this point, the epidural had worn off considerably and I could really feel the contractions as they wheeled me down to the operating room. They had to get Walter suited up while the prepped me for surgery. Prepping consisted of all of these people removing my gown, touching me everywhere, moving me from one bed to another. If you know how modest I am, you can imagine how awful this was for me, I just laid there and cried.

Walter came in just before they were pulling her out. I was glad when he got there. Now my arms were strapped down, a sheet was by my face covering my body, I was completely numb from my chest down, and they were cutting me open. Within minutes, I could feel the baby being pulled out of me, that was a very strange sensation. Immediately she started crying and so did Walter and I. I was so happy to hear that cry. They then had to take her and weigh her, clean her, suck all the yucky out of her nose, etc. Seemed like hours before they brought her to us, I just stared in her direction and watched the nurses faces to make sure everything was ok. They would periodically look our direction and tell us she was doing great. By this time, I started shaking uncontrollably, I was told this would happen but it was really crazy, I just couldn't stop. They finally gave the baby to me but because of the way I was laying and because of my shaking, I could barely hold her. I did long enough for the anesthesiologist to snap a couple of photos and then asked Walter to take her, I was scared I was going to drop her as the shaking continued to worsen.

At this point, they had to take her to the nursery and Walter followed. I continued to be stapled back together and then wheeled to the recovery room where I was told I would be for an hour. Things were much more calm in this area but my shaking was so bad, they could not get my blood pressure. The nurse offered me demerol and I gladly accepted it. This was put in my IV and within 2 minutes my shaking stopped. I was also feeling very nauseated and thought I was going to vomit so they gave me something for that too. I suddenly felt very calm and relaxed and even fell asleep. Walter came back a little later and said he was with the baby and now my mom, Sarah, and Katie with her. They told him what room I would be in and said it would be about 20 minutes.

20 minutes later, I was wheeled over to our room and we stopped by the nursery where they held her up for us to see. By now my dad and Donna had made it there and they brought me to the room while everyone else waited. I had to move over to my new bed and they hooked me back up to the IVs and put these crazy leg things on that basically massaged my legs so that I did not lose circulation. I hated them, they itched so badly! In fact, my whole body itched for days, that was terrible.

The family was now allowed in the room and the baby came in too. Lots of people were there and luckily we somehow got the biggest room. I barely got to hold her because I knew everyone else was dying to hold her. Everyone was saying how beautiful she was, we were all in love! They all visited for a while and then they all left by about midnight.

Now it was time for me to feed her. I was very concerned about this part because I have heard so many horror stories about breast feeding and how hard it was. It wasn't so bad but definitely difficult to get her to latch on. She ate a little and then was asleep. I continued to try throughout the night and did get one good feeding and a few little ones so it seemed to be going well. It was difficult to sleep though, I woke up every half hour or so if she moved or breathed too loud or anything at all and then if I didn't hear her for a while, I woke up to check and make sure she was still breathing. They also came in about 4:00am to see if I could sit up. I told them I was fine and could walk so they let me get out of bed and walk to the bathroom and back. The nurse kept thinking I was going to fall over but I was totally fine. The next morning they took the catheter out and I was allowed to walk freely.

While we were in the hospital, we continued to get good news about my Grandma. She had been moved from ICU to a less intense ICU and was regularly opening her eyes and even trying to talk. It sounded like she was on the road to a possible recovery. Her kidneys continued to improve and she seemed to be doing well. Pam even showed her photos of Audriella from her Ipod. I told my mom to take the 5x7 they had given us at the hospital so she could see a bigger photo of the baby. My mom brought it to her and they think she saw it, she looked at it seemed to know what it was. That's all she got to see of our baby girl. Unfortunately, the next morning while a nurse was in taking blood from the baby, Walter got a phone call and I could tell by his reaction that something terrible had happened. After the nurses left, I begged him to tell me but he wouldn't because the pediatrician was on his way in. It didn't matter, I already knew and when I asked him if I was right, he said nothing and I lost it. That was the hardest news I had to hear, I really thought she might be able to recover and see her great-granddaughter. It was such an emotional day, I felt so sad for my grandmother and then felt bad that I wasn't happy about our perfectly healthy baby girl and then felt bad that I was happy about the baby and not sad about my Grandmother. It was hard, something I never expected to experience. Grandma is in heaven now and I am sure she is able to see our little baby from there. I miss her so much but I am glad she is happy and healthy in Heaven with Jesus.

After a couple of days in the hospital, a bit of a struggle with breastfeeding, and about a million temperature and blood pressure readings, we were able to go home! Going home was kind of like starting over since we had things set in the hospital. We are figuring things out and learning as we go. Breastfeeding is getting much easier, we are trying to get some sleep here and there and our little princess is just great, we are so crazy about her! I definitely didn't expect to be out so much the first week but with everything that happened, we have been going to family dinners every night and Sunday and Monday we have the funeral. I think the baby has actually made this very bad situation a little better, it's nice to rejoice in something good when something bad happens. It's like celebrating the wonderful life of my grandmother at the same time as we're celebrating the new life her first great-granddaughter.

If you read all of this you deserve a reward but the best I can do is add some photos:


Right after she was born

Weighing and measuring her

Proud Mimi

Great-Grandpa

Superpop? (we're still not sure what he wants to be called) and Grandma Didi

Uncle Joshy

Aunt Stacie

Aunt Katie

Cousin Sarah

Proud Daddy

I finally got to hold her

Little Princess

Little cutie!

Beautiful photo the hospital photographer took

Daddy putting her in her new carseat

Her new carseat and little "going home" outfit Daddy bought

Leaving the hospital, it was a rough day and I look pretty rough.

She looks so serious!

This one cracks me up!

We tried to take photos but she was not cooperating

Sleeping with Daddy

Induction Scheduled

Had my last Doctor's appointment today, woohoo! I just had to come in for a "cervical exam," I put this in quotations because it sounds technical and all but is really just a Dr shoving her hand up you to feel your insides, extremely uncomfortable! My cervix was closed which means that we will be going to the hospital a little early to start me on cervidil to ripen my cervix, fun! Oh, and I did get the swine flu vaccine that I had previously refused.

So the plan is to go to St. Joseph's Women's Hospital at 8:30 on Sunday night. Walter will come and stay the night with me. They will start me on cervidil and if all goes well, I will start pitocin at 6:00am Monday morning. The pitocin will help induce labor once I am dilated. I hear that this causes the contractions to come quite quickly but it can still take a while to actually give birth.

The women I spoke with at St. Joseph's said not to expect a baby until probably late Monday. The Dr. I spoke with yesterday said not to expect her until Tuesday! I know that everyone is different and they are basing this on what normally happens but I am thinking they are right. My mom was in labor with me for 30 hours and I have a feeling my little monkey will be the same way, she'll come when she feels like it. We are definitely hoping to see our little girl Monday evening but I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Only a couple of days left and I am getting pretty nervous! I am glad to have completed the room and I think we are certainly prepared but it is going to be very weird having this child that I have had inside of me for 9 months pop out and live with us. I think I am going to have an anxiety attack just thinking about it. I am trying not to be crazy but scheduling the birth of your child is so weird, I think it makes me more nervous than if I was just to sit around and wait to go into labor. Two days will go by quickly and then next week I will be posting photos of our little girl, I can't wait!

Baby's Room is Complete! (Well almost)

I thought we would never get this done, but with lots of help, it is finally complete! Here are some photos of the baby's Wizard of Oz nursery:


Sleeping Beauty Pink Paint




Walter putting together the awesome crib Dad and Donna got us!


The furniture that Dad, Donna, Nana, Papa, Stacy and Jeff, and Connie and Dave got us


A mobile we bought at a consignment store to redo


Same mobile, we just altered it to fit the theme


I glittered the shelves to look like ruby red slippers




Completed shelf on the wall


Ruby red slipper curtains my mom made to match the shelves


We bought this and Walter just had to paint the frame to match


Canvas I made with scrapbook paper


BEAUTIFUL quilt that Mema made, this is my favorite part of the room!




I just love the letters that Rick put up, they are perfect!


(Almost) completed room. We just have to hang one more glitter shelf and take the Wizard of Oz Barbies out of the packages and put them on stands




Notice the floors, Walter did that too and they look perfect! We just have to find a rug we like this weekend.
I have more books to put on the shelf and also need to put the Tinman and Scarecrow on stands.

Hello Kitty Baby Shower

I had a second shower this past weekend at Lauren's house that Christi and Lauren threw for me. They did such a great job!!!! There were so many details they planned out, AMAZING food (yes, I cheated on my diet the Dr said it was ok), great games and fun company. I had such a great time and am so thankful for such great friends!


They made these invitations, so cute!



Christi actually made these Hello Kitty favors, they were adorable!


Christi made this way cool diaper cake, prettiest one I've ever seen!


The food was so great! Christi made almost everything including the flower shaped chips, cut out fruit and it was all delicious!


Vivian made this FANTASTIC cupcake cake, it was very good (yes, I had one)


Me in front of the banner they made. My face seems to be getting fat, yuck!


They had tons of cool games planned, this was from the "Guess the Baby Food" game


I got tons of great gifts, they were all so generous!


All the awesome girls who came :)



Me with Christi and Lauren who hosted the shower, they are the best! I am looking a little rugged here.